Last night I went on two different dates. The first was with JesusLuvr69. He told me to meet him at the Empire State Building at 7pm, then later changed our meeting point to some bar in Hell’s Kitchen. I was already running 30 minutes late, then got off at the wrong stop and had to walk 20 blocks to the bar. En route, I ran into two separate thespians I knew from grad school. Hell’s Kitchen is like the thespian mecca. At that point, I was tired of walking and annoyed that JesusLuvr69 had made me trek all the way up there, so I went into the next bar I passed and texted him to meet me there. As soon as I sent the text, he called and left me a voice mail, which I ignored. I had warned him twice I don’t like talking on the phone, and at this point, I didn’t care if he thought I was a brat . He arrived at the bar in a jolly mood despite my extreme tardiness and change of venue. He was still in his work clothes (full-blown businessman attire) and seemed like he was probably in a fraternity in college. After we finished our round, he asked if I would accompany him to a restaurant a couple blocks away on the Hudson River.
While we walked, JesusLuvr69 did something I was taken aback by… Every time we crossed the street, he moved to the side of me that was facing oncoming traffic. We passed a sprinkler and he blocked me with his body so that he would get wet instead of me. At one point we crossed what appeared to be a one-way street, and when he saw that it wasn’t, he apologized for crossing on the wrong side of me. Now I’ve had guys pull out chairs and open doors for me before, but I’ve never had someone shield me from the perils of moving vehicles. I wanted to remind him that I’m an adult living in New York City and I’m well-accustomed to crossing streets, but I didn’t want to be a jerk. We got to the riverside spot and he ordered beers and some chicken fingers. I have to admit, it was a lovely evening to be eating chicken down by the river. JesusLuvr69 was very nice, but a little slow. I had to explain things to him a few times before they would register. He worked in sales (selling Virgin Mary figurines and patriotic Croc knock-offs to Dollar Stores, as I mentioned in my last post) but kept referring to his job as “working in fashion.”
After we finished our fingers, he asked if he could take me to one more place. We walked a few more blocks to the entrance of some stuffy-looking hotel on the river, then took an elevator up to the sixteenth floor and walked out into an incredible rooftop lounge. The bar itself was large, dark, and full of rich people. Looking at the menu, I was glad I was there with an old-fashioned gentleman who was going to pay for my drinks. A Brooklyn Lager alone was $11. I had some gin concoction that was $16. We took our drinks out on the deck by a little reflecting pool and looked out over the best view of Manhattan I think I’ve ever seen. We talked about our families, how he had been in the military briefly, and how it may be a deal-breaker for him that I’ve never seen “Top Gun.” Around this time, another guy I had had tentative plans with for sometime this week began texting me to meet up. JesusLuvr69 had to work in the morning and told me he needed to head home in a bit, so I secretly agreed to meet “Ralph” in an hour.
I let JesusLuvr69 touch my hand for 30 seconds while we finished our drinks (I’m about as willing to hold hands as I am to talk on the phone). I told him I was going to take the train back to Brooklyn and he said he would walk me to the stop. Then he changed his mind and informed me that he was going to buy me a cab home since I must be tired from all the walking. I tried to tell him I’m capable of walking (mainly because I felt guilty I was going to go meet someone else) but he wouldn’t hear of it. He hailed a cab and handed the driver a twenty, instructing him to take me to Brooklyn. Then he pulled me in for a dainty Christian kiss. Once the cab pulled away, I told the driver to drop me at Ludlow and Rivington. Upon arrival, he tried to charge me $13 for the ride (as if I didn’t see JesusLuvr69 hand him $20), to which I responded with “Nice try, buddy. Go ahead and keep the change.” I have the worst luck with cab drivers.
Ralph was already at the bar. He was much cuter in person than he was online (he kinda looked like a snarky gargoyle in his pictures). He was tall and dark and had good taste in music and even better taste in movies. No, I have never seen “Top Gun,” but Ralph and I shared a favorite movie in common that no one has ever seen or heard of before unless I forced them to watch it with me. So he immediately got 50 bonus points in my book for that. I don’t really remember much of our conversation. It was pretty brief since he had to drive back to Jersey where he lives (minus 30 points) and because my gin concoction had been pretty strong. I walked him to his car and on the way got distracted by a box of street books. I love street books. I selected a book, I think we hugged goodbye, then I acquired a beef frank and walked to the train. The F wasn’t running at 2nd Ave, so I walked and walked and walked around the East Village until the clock struck one and my paycheck went into my bank account. Then I took a cab home, exhausted from having easily walked 50+ blocks total that evening, but titillated by my new book about grammar. It’s old and falling apart, and there’s a line of books with noses doing a kick-line on the cover. A lot of guys on OKCupid could benefit from some grammar lessons.
As for my dates last night, JesusLuvr69 was a nice guy, but his uber-chivalry and affinity for voice mails kind of weirded me out. I also had to explain things multiple times to him and I don’t think he really got my humor. Ralph was cool, but it sucks he lives in Poopville, New Jersey and doesn’t come into the city that much. I would hang out with him again, though. Especially because (I almost forgot the best part!)… he brought me a KEYCHAIN! It has been awhile since my last keychain offering, and this one might be my favorite so far. It’s sparkly and opens to reveal a mirror inside. He had gone to LA when we first started chatting on OKCupid, and decided to bring me back a keychain after I expressed my adoration for them. Instant second date material. Sometimes all it takes is a glittery keychain and a vintage book about grammar to feel like the richest lady of them all.