The Email I Didn’t Send:
“I have to tell you that I was so happy to look at my phone this morning and not have a text from you canceling our plans tonight that I have been looking forward to for two weeks. And… then I saw your email.
In case you were wondering how I feel about all of this which, I know, isn’t a factor: I feel sick and sad. And stupid. It seems silly to be so upset over losing someone I was only dating for about four months and only saw once a week (or less). But I knew the first week I met you that you were unlike the other guys I had met online, or even since I’ve lived in New York for that matter. I believed you when you said you really liked me and that you were only seeing me. It took me several dates to be able to trust that you weren’t just someone who was going to tell me what I wanted to hear to get me to sleep with you, then bail a few weeks later. But nevertheless, here we are.
You were worth it to me to be forgiving and supportive of your busy schedule, to take things very slowly and only see you when you could fit in a night here and there. You were worth it to try and overlook the fact that it never quite seemed like you properly ended things with your ex. You were worth it to take your ups and downs and intermittent communication in stride. I felt good about myself because I had stepped outside my usual comfort zone of what I expect in the beginning of a new relationship and could be flexible to your needs. The only problem was… I wasn’t worth it to you.
The socially acceptable thing for me to do in this situation would be to not respond to your email. Act like I don’t care because you were just another guy I met online. Quietly remove you from my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr, and, without a word, slip back into the sea of people in this city who are inconsequential to your world.
But I think I deserve that you take a split second of time from your busy schedule to consider my feelings before you completely cast me aside. Especially since you chose to break things off with me via a quick and easy 3:30am email– rather than showing at least some respect by talking to me face to face.”
The Email I Sent:
“Ok. Good luck with your auditions!
Best,
Sara”
